A bit about me

This is a blog about my weight loss.

I have had a weight problem for a long time. When I was a child my father put me on a diet aged 8 as I was "fat". Looking back at photos of me then, I was so NOT fat. A little chubby maybe but not fat. Looking at photos through my teenage years I was always a little bigger but why on earth did I think I was fat aged 16. I was a size 14 and all in proportion but I listened to my critics and the inner critic which said "you're fat, you're not worth anything, you need to diet".

In my 20s I chucked the diet all together and threw myself into the lifestyle at university and due to the alcohol and medication I gained even more weight. I kept trying not to let it get to me and to hide my poor self-esteem I adopted the "big and bubbly" outlook. I did everything to excess but underneath it all I hated my size and shape. I didn't know how much I weighed until 1999 when I had to be weighed for a hospital appointment. I had a huge shock and tried to address it but to be honest it didn't work and as my self-esteem plummeted, my weight rose.

Then I met my future husband. He loved me for who I am, not what I am and for that I will be forever grateful. I knew how I felt about my weight and wanted to help me address it. I lost 2.5 stone with Weight Watchers before our wedding and felt great. Still no where near what I should weigh but a definite improvement. Looking at my wedding photos I was happy, confident and dare I say even radiant !

Then came a pregnancy and post-natal depression and my weight loss stopped. I put on 4 stone when pregnant and was the heaviest I have ever been. I lost 3 stone over time but then got pregnant again, sadly this time I lost the baby and always in the back of my mind has been "did my weight contribute to this ?". Another pregnancy followed soon after and this time all went well but still after the baby I was left with the baby weight. Never one of the lucky ones, I breast fed but the weight didn't just fall off me. Again post-natal depression got me, my weight ballooned and by Christmas 2008 I was at my heaviest non-pregnant weight. In early 2009 I discovered low carb and lost 2 stone but it proved not to be sustainable and I while not back at the level I was I have still gained some of what I lost.

I am now 36 and need to sort this out once and for all. I have two young children who need a more positive role model. I'm worried about my health and I'm worried about not being around to see my grandchildren.

The catalyst for all this ? I had a wedding invitation arrive and I couldn't find anything in a size 22 that would do without looking like the fat girl in the corner. I also felt sick that I was limited to only certain shops to look in. Sounds shallow ? Maybe, but the catalysts aren't always the big things, sometimes they can be the small things that just tip you over the edge.

So, I'm back on Weight Watchers as I know that works for me and suits my life style. I have several events over the summer that I know I won't be thin for but I can be slimmer than I am now and more confident in my clothes. Day 1 starts here.